


he promised

by myreygn



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AU, Angst, Bokuto cries, Broken Promise, Death, Love, M/M, Memory, Promises, Soldiers, Tragedy, War, akaashi tries to help, dead love, kenma was waiting, kuroo is gone, proposal, surviving dependants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:20:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22636624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myreygn/pseuds/myreygn
Summary: He said that he'd come back, that he'd be fine, that everything would be alright. But he's not here and that's why Bokuto is sitting here, writing and crying and smiling and missing him.
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	he promised

# he promised

_Dear Kenma._

Two words. He had only written two words and needed a break already.  
'Why is that so fucking hard? It's not like I'm doing it for the first time!'

In fact it was the first time he was writing such a letter.  
Those before had never been personal in any way.  
Those before had never been sent to Kenma.

_I'm sure that you already received the official letter.  
I don't even know what to tell you now, I just thought it would be good to write to you._

It was completely silent in the room and it was like he was getting strangled by it.  
His arm felt heavy like he had iron in his veins instead of blood and his shoulder hurt when he tried to lift it up. He clenched his fist.

'Shit. It's painful in every respect.'

_I'd like to tell you how sorry I am, even though I could never find the right words for that.  
I don't know if it's pretentious to say that, but I think I can imagine how you feel, at least a little bit.  
It's not the same, not at all, for I lost someone I loved but only knew for a year. You lost someone who had been like a brother to you, who you knew since forever._

A single tear ran down his cheek, as if he had cried too much in the last days and there was not enough fluid left for more than one single pathetic tear. It wasn't enough.

'There will never be enough tears.'

_I don't want to be intrusive, but if you want to talk to me, feel free to write back or call at any given time. If you don't mind, I'm going to visit you once I'm back.  
Promise me to persevere until then._

A little smile appeared on his face as he continued his letter.

_I didn't get to know him as good as you did, but I don't think that he would've wanted you drown in sadness. If you can't promise to me that you'll persevere, promise him.  
I'm sure he's watching._

_Bokuto._

He dropped the pen and a sudden wave of tears rolled over him. They had just waited for his walls to break and now they dropped onto his thighs and filled his mouth with a salty taste.

And it felt wrong, so _wrong_ , because he couldn't stop smiling.  
Even though the love of his life was dead, the memories, the beloved face looking at him in his imagination and the beautiful laughter echoing through his head still made him smile.

“Bokuto? Are you alright?”

The door had opened without him realizing it and he felt a warm hand laying down on his shoulder.  
There was silence as he shook his head, smiling and crying and _crying_ and Akaashi read the letter he had just written.

“Y'know, he wouldn't want you to drown in sadness either.”

Of course he wouldn't have wanted that and Bokuto knew that just as good as Akaashi did, if not even better.

Kuroo had always been a cheerful person who would be optimistic and fool around all the time, grinning and joking and laughing and _fuck,_ Bokuto missed him so much!

_“Daichi! Daichi, wait! Don't run away!”_

“He's gone, Akaashi. Gone.”

“I know, Koutarou.”

_“Daichi, stop already!”_

_“Bokuto, I ...”_

_“Where is he?”_

“There's nothing left of him, Akaashi.”

“That's not right. We remember him, don't we?”

“Akaashi, he's _dead!_ He didn't come back!”

_“Bokuto, I'm sorry.”_

“He didn't come back, he died out there, he left me!”

“That's the life of a soldier, Koutarou. You knew that it might happen someday and Kuroo knew it too. He knew exactly what he was doing and I don't think that he'd regret anything.”

“He lied to me!”

_“Bo, I need to go, I'm sorry!”_

_“You better are, we finally have some privacy!”_

_“I'm really sorry! I'll be back tomorrow, okay?”_

_Kuroo managed to smirk._

_“It's just a quick reconnaissance, we'll both survive a few hours.”_

“What do you mean, he lied o you? Kuroo would've never lied to you!”

“He said, he'd be back the day after. He said, we'd both survive it.”

_Fast steps could be heard from outside the room, then Daichi shouting Kuroo's name._

_Kuroo placed a kiss on Bokutos cheek. “See you soon.”_

_“Kuroo?”_

_The taller one stopped at the door and turned around. “Hm?”_

_“Do you want to marry me?”_

“Koutarou, he didn't mean to lie to you. He didn't plan the bomb to explode.”

“It doesn't matter! A lie is a lie! Do you now how mad I want to be? You can't imagine!”

Bokuto sobbed and his fist hit the table in front of him.

“But I'm not! I'm not mad at all because I love this goddamn idiot and I could never hate him! I smile, Akaashi, I smile every bloody time I think of him and it hurts so much because my heart rips into a half, but I can't be angry, Akaashi, I smile!”

“I know that you love him and it should be enough for you to know that Kuroo loved you back.”  
Akaashi seemed a bit overwhelmed after all. It was hard to see Bokuto that desperate.  
“It doesn't matter if he's here or not as long as you remember him. And isn't it exactly what he would've wanted, that you remember him with a smile on your face?”

“He lied, Akaashi. I proposed to him and he was my future husband for five seconds before he walked out the door and never came back!”

_The smile on Kuroo's face lightened up the whole room. “Yes! Yes, absolutely yes!”_

_Bokuto smiled back at him. “Then don't die, you hear me?”_

_“I won't!”_

_Kuroo gave him another smile before he turned around to leave._

_“I promise.”_

Akaashi got down on his knees and caught Bokuto when he slid off the chair. And there they sat, under a huge wooden desk with a letter on it that sealed a circumstance they already knew about but never wanted to be real.

“He said, he'd come back, Akaashi! That he wouldn't die out there!”

“I know, Koutarou”, Akaashi hushed. He felt a lump in his throat when Bokuto looked up to him.

“He promised!”

“I know.”


End file.
